Many children and adults struggle with perfectionism. A little voice in their head reminds them of ways they are not meeting a "perfect standard." In this post, we will explore ways to support someone with perfectionism and better understand the root causes.
Getting to the Root of Perfectionism
A variety of different things can trigger perfectionism, and sometimes the triggers are unclear. A combination of personality type, social pressures, and cultural pressures can impact perfectionistic tendencies.
Low self-esteem, for instance, can lead individuals to work very hard in an attempt to compensate for these feelings. These individuals may stay up late completing school work or a work task in an attempt to make it perfect.
Additionally, trauma can also contribute to the onset of perfectionism. If an individual goes through a traumatic event, they may attempt to regain control of their life by channeling their energy into a sport or hobby and working to reach a level of perfection.
Some individuals may put immense pressure on themselves or feel that they will disappoint a parent or partner if they do not reach a certain level of success. Often when they feel this way, they may crumble under the pressure and not perform their best, whether it is real or perceived pressure.
Managing Perfectionism through Mindfulness
Mindfulness and meditation can help individuals slow down and consider the deeper reasons for their perfectionistic tendencies. Once they shed light on possible causes, it can become easier to manage those feelings in different ways. Validating a perfectionistic child's emotions can be helpful, but it is also helpful to teach them ways to combat their inner critic.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help individuals by identifying negative thoughts and practicing tools to reframe their thoughts. One example of reframing a negative thought:
Negative thought: "I am going to fail my math test, I am so bad at math!"
New thought: "I have studied and paid attention in class. I am prepared, and I will try my best on this math test."
Choosing Progress Over Perfection
Have you ever heard the phrase "done is better than perfect"? This phrase often contradicts how perfectionistic brains function. It is helpful to remember that completing a task that needs to be done is typically better than striving for perfection and feeling unable to start.
It is helpful for family members to praise the process rather than the product. One example of each is below:
Praising the Product: "You got a 90% on your test! I'm so proud of you"
Praising the Process: "You studied so hard for your test! I saw how hard you worked, and I'm so proud of your effort!"
Positive affirmations can also help reframe perfectionistic thoughts. Positive affirmations are often short, personalized phrases that remind individuals of their strengths and focus on the process rather than the product.
At times, individuals can give up before they even try because they are so afraid of failure. When an individual learns to praise the process rather than the product, this allows them to try new things and take risks!
Give these ideas a try and let me know how they work for you!
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