There are 4 types of attachment styles: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized. Each attachment style can impact our relationships throughout our lives.
How Attachments Styles Are Formed
Attachment styles are formed early in life between an infant and their primary caregiver. Infants learn what to expect from relationships by observing how their needs are met. If a caregiver is attentive to their needs, they learn to expect that the world will provide them with what they need. If a caregiver is not able to provide consistent responses, the child will learn that the world is an inconsistent place.
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment develops when a parent provides consistent responses and meets their child's needs. Adults with secure attachment are comfortable sharing their feelings with their significant other. They are able to give and receive love, and they are confident in their relationships. This builds the foundation for a strong relationship in which each partner can feel heard and understood.
Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment style can develop when a child grows up with an inconsistent caregiver. This can mean they are emotionally inconsistent, or not able to meet their biological needs (food, housing). Individuals with an anxious attachment style often struggle to trust their significant other. They will often feel insecure and will focus on how they are perceived by others. This can lead to distrust and neediness in a relationship.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment forms if a child grows up with a primary caregiver who is emotionally unavailable or does not respond to them when they need support. When a child is not shown empathy or provided regulation as an infant, they often struggle later in life to trust others. Adults with avoidant attachment will often shut down or walk away from their partner during arguments.
Disorganized Attachment
Disorganized attachment style can form when individuals experience inconsistent or unsafe caregivers. This means they may have experienced abuse or childhood trauma. Individuals with this attachment style often appear to have a variety of responses to situations, often oscillating between anxious and avoidant attachment styles. They may struggle to regulate their emotions and have difficulty trusting others.
How to Improve Our Relationships
It can feel daunting at times to navigate relationships, knowing that we each bring in our own attachment styles. However, we can make changes to our responses to help improve our attachment styles. For example, if an individual has an anxious attachment style, they can work toward pausing before responding to triggers. If an individual has an avoidant attachment style, they can work towards increasing their tolerance in close relationships by staying present for longer periods.
Talking with a therapist who utilizes an attachment-based model can also help individuals have a better understanding of their attachment style. A therapist can provide individualized tools to navigate attachment styles.
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